Bullying has become a prominent concern for children and parents. Bullies attempt to humiliate, exclude, insult and threaten. Even adults deal with bullies online, in traffic, in business, and in personal relationships. As kids get ready to go back to school, we reached out to two experts to get their insights on bullying.

The most important concept of parenting is respecting that our role and duty is not to create a perfect world for our children to live in a bubble but to teach, guide and model how to navigate challenging situations. It’s our job to teach our kids how to live.

Before talking to our kids about sensitive and difficult topics, we first need to manage and check on our own perspectives, expectations and anxieties. None of us arrived at parenthood unmarked, without a history or story.

Our children model what they see and feel. We can communicate our truth and concerns with authenticity and sincerity. Listen to your child. Make them feel understood. Engage to have a connection. Are you talking and listening to your child?

Remember, there are no two kids who are the same. There is no script, no magical parent guide or any perfect way to do this. You cannot talk to two kids in the same house, class or age the same way.

The key to communicating with a child is how you deliver the message. Remember, it is not what you say but how you say it! Lastly, you have something invaluable, special and priceless to give your children – your love for them. Remind them of their strengths. You can never love them too much. Hug them, squeeze them tight and tell them everything is okay.

Bullying is a complex landscape. In almost every case, when someone is choosing to execute some bullying behavior, they feel inadequate somehow. This could be unresolved anger, rejection or resentment that they haven’t processed in a healthy way, so it comes out in unhealthy ways. The bully feels bad about something (and may not be conscious of it) and may not be willing or ready to go through a rigorous process to work through feelings of inadequacy, and the shortcut is bullying.

We think bullying is personal, and we make up a story around that, but a bully’s behavior has nothing to do with me or you. This awareness can be super helpful because it takes the target off. The bully mistreats someone because he or she is trying to control their world. If I have an extreme response to a bully, I just feed the bully’s behavior. If I get angry or afraid or make a big drama out of it, I’ve given them what they want.

Think of bullying with a row boat versus a giant ship. Same big storm, but the rowboat is getting tossed around all over the place. The giant ship to a lesser degree. The rowboat gets torn up in the storm, but the giant ship is just fine. The clearer people are in their identity, the more grounded and confident, and the less likely they will be targeted by a bully. Bullies want control, and they want it right now. Bullies look for targets who are super insecure, desperate for approval, and not sure where they fit in because that person is easy picking.

Many parents enroll their kids in martial arts training to become skillful at navigating the bullying landscape. When choosing a martial arts school or program, it is valuable for a parent to look for the highest quality available. The right choice will not only teach quality physical skill but, even more importantly, the fundamental skills of awareness, compassion, clarity of character, and conflict resolution. The big payoff to this holistic approach to martial arts training is the development of the practitioner into their best self, highly capable, well-rounded and effective contributor while becoming increasingly less likely to resort to physical resolution.