Years ago, I used to tell myself that my workday was over when our girls got out of school at 2:35 p.m. Working from home is a luxury that I try to not take for granted. I definitely don’t miss the constraints of having to be in a chair working from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Or workplace politics. Having the ability to hop up from my desk and pick up our daughters at school (without running it up a flagpole to the boss) is another luxury I try not to miss. What I didn’t realize is the pressure I was putting on myself with my rigid way of thinking.

Like many women, I find that figuring out how to knock it out of the park professionally and as a mom is a tough order to fill. That doesn’t even include being a good wife, friend and extended family member and finding that elusive self-care time. I wanted to do it all well. At the end of the day, I’d ask myself, did I do enough for the people in my life? Was I present enough with our daughters? Did I tackle enough work? I can be harsh on myself when I’m not paying attention to my thoughts.

I was trying to cram too much work into too little time (who ends their work day at 2:35 p.m.?), so I never could win the day. Maybe I could tweak my day, I thought. I’ll write down three work priorities and just focus on those. That didn’t work. There was still so much work undone and not enough texts, emails or phone calls returned.

OK, I’ll get up before everyone else does and get some work done before sending the kids off to school. That didn’t work because the school day starts so early. I’ll speed up, I thought. I’ll get more done in less time and throw in some laundry while I’m at it. I didn’t realize I was turning each day into a productivity contest against myself to see if I could get that nailed it feeling about work before trotting off to pick up our daughters from school. I rigged my own game to lose by thinking I could get to a place where my workday feels finished. To-do lists always grow, and sometimes when we get close to the finish line, we move the line out to get even more done.

Now I see the error of my ways. I was thinking in black-and-white terms. I like things clear and orderly, in tidy little boxes, as in “this is work time” and “this is family time.” But life doesn’t really unfold in these rigid boundaries I created in my mind. In fact, thinking in absolutes like “success” or “failure” leaves no room for how life really happens: scrambled-eggs style. 

Real life means tending to the unexpectedly sick child, caring for an aging parent or dealing with the unforeseen, like a pandemic or a hurricane.

I realized I had to change the way I was thinking. What if I stopped creating arbitrary lines and instead viewed each day as an opportunity to create a mosaic masterpiece?

I cannot emphasize enough how much peace this shift in perspective gave me. I calmed my nervous system that resembles a puppy by telling it, “You have all day to do all the things.” And “You have an entire day to do what you need to do, as an entrepreneur, as a mom, as a wife, and as you.” Thinking in full-day increments quieted the perfectionist in me and created space for all the unknowns that can enter into a day. I stopped judging myself in absolutes. I began filtering my day through a kinder, healthier and more proactive lens of: How can I love all the aspects of my life as they come together?

As I made this shift in mindset, I found myself more present throughout the entire day. I was more open and available. I could roll with things. No longer did I see a middle-of-the-day trip to the orthodontist for my daughter as an interruption to my workday, but rather as an opportunity to connect even more with her. I’d even lean into that feeling. “Do you want to stop at a coffee shop on the way home to get a smoothie or a blueberry muffin and chat?” A flexible mindset was dialing down stress and increasing joy.

About the time I was reflecting on this shift, I read this quote: “In 20 years from now, the only people who will remember you worked late are your kids.” Thinking in a mosaic concept allows me to take everything in and let things unfold. There’s more room for spontaneity. I am fully present for each moment. Each day looks like a different piece of artwork, and each day we wake up, we get to be the artist.